Just the tip: Communication saves relationships


Robert Marshall, Contributing Writer

Communication: we do it every day. But one place where communication is essential is in the bedroom — wink, wink.

It’s something we probably could all learn to do better, including myself.

Talking about sex can be tricky. It’s an intimate topic.

Communicating should be a given with sex. Whether it’s with a long-time partner, your first time getting it on or casual, anytime in the bedroom should be pleasurable.

Communicating in the bedroom is more than just saying, “You want to have sex?” It’s about making sure all people involved in the act are truly comfortable with the situation.

Without communication or more importantly, “consent,” it can turn into an ugly situation. But once that’s out of the way, the next thing is making sure you’re all pleasured to the max and feel like queens or kings.

Knowing you’re satisfied and your partner can satisfy you is the best feeling. The “Big O” is important.

For that to happen, talk to your partner. Find out what they like, how they like it, how hard and how fast. For her, does she like it rough? Soft? What gets her going? Remember: just because she’s screaming, or moaning, doesn’t mean she’s enjoying it. Not everybody likes the big D in too deep or too hard.

If it’s oral, find her good spots. “Where is it that you want my finger and/or tongue?”

For him, find out what feels good. “What do you want me to do with my mouth? My hands?” Talk to him and find out what makes him feel like he’s on top of the world.

For newer partners, saying what turns you on and what you like is important. Telling the person you like oral, bondage or penetration all falls in the category of communicating. Do you like dirty talk? Some people do. Tell them.

For long-term partners, when doggystyle gets boring after a few years, talk about new positions or new places to do it.

Telling your partner what you like that she/he does, what positions you enjoy, what turns you on and what they do best is better than saying what you don’t like.

Build them up, don’t knock them down so they know what to do every time.

Communication is important. It may be awkward, but just think about how amazing the sex will be afterwards.