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Hidden+behind+a+cloud+of+smoke+during+quarantine

Courtesy Willow Ornellas

Hidden behind a cloud of smoke during quarantine

Over the course of this quarantine, I will admit it, I’ve been spending my days indulging in the devil’s lettuce and using it as a means of treating my emotions. 

Previously, weed had just been something I would only enjoy socially when I was with friends, or medically to help me with my stress, anxiety and issues sleeping. 

I started enjoying weed more frequently after my father’s sudden passing last August. 

Every night I would cry until my eyes were puffy and stinging. I started to use weed as a way of finding a moment of silence in my torn-up world. Whenever I’d smoke I would find myself finally able to sit still without tears in my eyes. 

Flip forward a few months to the start of the new semester. I was finding myself feeling once again inundated with stress at work and school. 

I’m your everyday college student. I roll out of bed and go to class every morning, eating cereal from the box on my drive there. After a day at school, I try to squeeze in a run before work and then I deal with grumpy old people at my restaurant job every day. 

When I come home in the evening, after my nonstop, typical day, I don’t want to relax by hanging out with my friends and getting drunk. I want to unwind and have some time to myself. 

Sitting on my boyfriend’s deck with a pipe or joint every night symbolizes the end of the day and time for us to finally breathe clearly and speak freely. 

Now let me give you a moment of insight into the hazy world I’ve been living in during the last two weeks. 

I feel like life in quarantine has been foggy, and that’s not just because of the weed. 

Every day the death toll is rising. Every day there are more confirmed cases. With all this prevalent negativity, it’s okay to feel the anxiety of it, but for me, weed has been a retaining wall. 

My bong has done work during the last few weeks that a therapist could never do in times like these. My bong has served as an outlet for me to feel calmer during this time. I’ve been able to keep my head on straight and my appetite up while people around me that I’m close to have not had the same opportunity. 

Weed is not right for everyone, but it has helped me cope with my emotions surrounding my father’s untimely passing as well as the overwhelming emotion that I’ve been feeling constantly with every coronavirus update.

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