One of the most powerful quotes I have come across in life is from world-renowned Christian theologian Lewis Benedictus Medel: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.”

This quote was all too real last week when my Journalism 2 class attended a murder trial that seemed to come straight from a “Law & Order” episode. The defendant was Nicole Bradley, convicted of killing James Strickler with a sawed-off shotgun blast to his head in 1996. Bradley pleaded guilty before the trial began, putting an end to a 15-year-long battle in court. The hero of this real-life drama however, was James’ mother, Alice Ellison, who spoke after the judge accepted Bradley’s plea and scheduled sentencing.

“For 15 years you have infected my life,” she said to Bradley. “I can’t let you infect my life anymore, I’m giving you to God. He is the one you have to answer to.” Alice’s granddaughter, who was a year old when her father was murdered, accompanied her. Alice was able to gather the incredible courage to stand before the person who took her son’s life 15 years ago. Out of a million things she could have told this woman, Alice chose to release herself from the burden of resentment. Outside the courtroom, Alice exchanged hugs with Bradley’s mother, who has become a friend.

Humans build walls around their hearts when they are hurt by things as atrocious as murder, or as mundane as break-ups. Sometimes those walls are made of resentment toward the person who hurt them. Walls are a coping mechanism that people use to deal with the emotional stress of a situation. I can’t imagine the pain of having my son murdered, but I can imagine how hard it must have been to tell the murderer I would no longer pass judgment on him or her.

Alice taught me that to forgive doesn’t always mean to accept an apology. Humans can forgive whether or not another has confessed guilt to a crime of any magnitude. When you forgive, you free yourself of generating energy that revives painful memories. In return, you come to terms with the experience and move on.

When I am not at ease with someone in my life, my mind always wanders back to the feelings the person has implanted in me. My days become burdened with the stress of having to control my thoughts as they travel towards animosity. As soon as I forgive them, my sanity returns and I can assess the situation clearly. I am sure there are many people reading this who have been mad at someone and, as soon as they forgive, begin to see in a different light.

What comes from forgiving others is peace of mind. It is the acceptance that whatever episode has occurred is now part of the past. To forgive is to step towards the future; the opposite is to dwell in the past. I’m not saying that the sting disappears; some scars need to be remembered, but scars are imprints of what had once been a source of pain and is no more.

People are hurt in order to learn that they are able to overcome the obstacles that life so often throws. Every moment in life is an opportunity to grow into a better person. Whether you seek to forgive or to apologize, the end result is the same. Hopefully, you won’t let a bad experience take control of your life. There comes a point when one has to take the initiative and release. If Alice taught me one thing when we spoke outside the courtroom it is that “sometimes you have to just let go.”